Kathie Lingle's Work-Life Blog

Norms That Aren't So Normal

Nov. 6, 2007 - Thanks to Bob Drago's insight, in his book Striking a Balance:  Work, Family, Life, I finally grasp why it is that work-life progress is such hard work, gets marginalized so easily, and generates so much irrational resistance, given that the (financial) investment is so low and the potential rewards are so obvious to so many.  

The answer is simple: No other function in the corporate realm so directly challenges three interlocking norms that underlie behavior within organizations, if not our entire culture:

• The Motherhood norm (a belief that women should devote their energy to being mothers and performing unpaid or low-paid care for family and others in need)
• The Ideal Worker norm (a belief in total commitment to career with resulting high rewards)
• The Individualism norm (a belief that the government should not help those needing care, especially if they are not in the paid workforce).

You’ll have to read this brilliant essay for yourself to get the full import, but as Bob points out, norms are so embedded in societal expectations about behavior that they are like the oxygen we breathe – we all take them for granted, without question or even recognition that they exist. Should you confront or contradict a norm, there are definite penalties to pay. Just ask any seasoned work-life or organization effectiveness practitioner who has tinkered with the cultural underpinnings of a company. Or you might caucus the working parents of young children, especially, but not exclusively, if they are women.

The practical significance of Drago’s work is at least three-fold. First, his argument leads inexorably to a new definition of “gender gap,” which used to simply refer to pay differences between men and women in the workplace.  Given what Bob is describing, a more profound gap has developed, one which isn’t confined to a discrepancy between men and women, but between those who succeed in the workplace as well-rewarded ideal workers versus those who engage in caring for others (low-paid or unpaid). So even among women there is a divide, between women who are successful in the workplace in conventional (financial) terms and those who care. Being an economist, Bob cites compelling, not to mention disturbing, data to substantiate his point.

A second but no less profound contribution of this work is at least a partial solution to the language quagmire in which the work-life profession has been helplessly trapped since its inception. Bob manages to provide the only reasonable argument and definition for the word “balance” I have ever encountered. Granted, it’s based on a theory of labor economics, but it makes sense to me. That’s saying quite a bit, since I have been bemoaning the damage our vocabulary inflicts on us for almost 20 years.

And last but not least is his irrepressible optimism about solving the conundrum of imbalance that he so convincingly describes. But you are going to have to read the book for yourself to learn the way out.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of WorldatWork and its affiliate, Alliance for Work-Life Progress (AWLP).